July 2009
9 posts
Thursday nite we'll be playing the bongos at the...
Tomorrow nite one of us will be sitting in on the bongos with our dear friend and colleague Mike Edison as he reads selections from his lurid memoir I Have Fun Everywhere I Go: Savage Tales of Pot, Porn, Punk Rock, Pro Wrestling, Talking Apes, Evil Bosses, Dirty Blues, American Heroes, and the Most Notorious Magazines in the World as part of the In The Flesh Erotic Reading Series at Happy Endings...
"However what made matters worse, was that he...
An international contribution from the country of France:
I was on holiday with my family and friends to France. I was 14, which coincidently meant I was naive and violently suffering from the underage horn (despite my inexperience). Also, I was completely brainwashed by the concept of a “Holiday Romance” urghh..
Anyway, the story begins at the campsite’s weekly shitty disco for teenagers,...
Me and my roommate got wasted at a wake and after 1,000 beers I started talking really loud to my ex-boyfriend’s best friend about how I drank my ex-boyfriend’s pee. I had drunkenly confessed this before to him but he said he didn’t remember. Apparently it’s my favorite thing to brag about when wasted.
Later one of my friend’s—a really big dude, I mean,...
This occured when I was with still my ex, an...
From anonymous reader [redacted]:
I am __ years old and from ______, have been to two different universities, lived in many different backwater places already, and have had so many drunken, drugged up and otherwise regrettable and shambolic experiences that I had could write the encyclopaedia of disgusting makeouts. However here are just a few of my golden moments that I will treasure for a...
Hipsters, Tempura Burgers, and Pets Who Want To... →
We’re not dead! We just got namechecked on SLATE!
Though the taxonomy of tumblelogs is fluid, the sites I’m talking about have several defining characteristics. One important distinction is that they’re composed mainly of stuff submitted by the audience—though pages like Stuff White People Like and Fuck You, Penguin are hilarious, I wouldn’t add them to Look at This...
June 2009
3 posts
malt liquor slicker
this one time i was at my friend’s party, malt liquor slicker. i danced with a lot of guys because i was trying to make someone jealous. one guy was an amzing dancer, he introduced himself as just Q. that should have been a warning sign, but according to my friends i made out with him, drink in hand, against a wall for a good twenty minutes. the next day photographic evidence didn’t...
"he kept asking if he could photograph me sucking...
my first week of college (i was at a big university i dropped out of fast), my fake tan fake blonde fake boobed fat new jersey roommate made me go with her to her BRO friends house. we were drinking a lot and i was one of only two people hitting the bong, so i was super crossed by about 1:30, when her friend’s roommate decided to get up close and personal. he was pretty cute and i...
Sorry for the lack of posts...
…this blog has AIDS.
April 2009
5 posts
From So00 ffff: "SHIT was everywhere"
dear disgusting makeouts, Exactly one month ago I met this beautiful jew with rasberry coloured hair who looks vaguely like dracula. being a randy and libidinous fuck, i now call him Count Fuckula. In the beginning, as we both had the same shaped head and basically looked like siblings, i decided to retain him on a friends only basis, as the reproductive value of two skinny people who look...
Has This Ever Happened To You?
From “Kelly”:
because my job is sporadic and we never stay in one spot, we live with host families for the few months that we are in that area and then move. i had a lovely and charming older host family. they had dinner waiting for me at night along with booze… lots and lots of booze. so one night i got home and they had a huge party at their house during the day and their son...
Skinny Goth-Dude-In-A-Band One Night Stand
It wasn’t disgusting at all (I love skinny goth dudes, all of you, come home with me) except for the following:
-I haven’t waxed since September (SEPTEMBER) and have world’s hairiest bush and legs
-I was too lazy to use condoms even though there was a box of them under the bed
-I didn’t tell him about my herpes and talked trash about my exes the whole time (basically...
Friday Funnies (?)
The Ultimate Warrior gives Hulk Hogan a blowjob:
Are you into that sort of thing?
March 2009
15 posts
Guess Her Muff!!! →
Do you think you can guess how a babe keeps her muff based on her how she dresses? Does your co-worker’s carpet match the drapes? Is that geeky girl in your class secretly a sex kitten who shaves her twat bald?
The answers might surprise you…
"Alan lapped at it eagerly while a giant fat woman...
From anonymous tipster ________:
ALAN’S NITE OF SHAME:
‘ALan’ went out last nite to barbie deinhoffs, and was having a lovely time with some free orange alco-pop drinks. He saw a boy at the bar drinking a fancy-pants drink in a big curly glass, and the boy looked strangely familiar… where had he seen this vaguely blond seedy cherub? It was ______’s orphan! oh how...
2 stories from anonymous reader "Jessica"
Four years ago, I had moved to a new city. Not long after, my on/off boyfriend of 3 years moved in with me. He commenced to drinking and verbally destroying me every day so my self esteem was at an all time low. Not to mention that my teenage complexion had come back full force and I had a face full of cysts. I went out with a girlfriend one night in the hopes of having some fun. We sat at a...
"...Not getting laid by anyone that wouldn't be...
Anonymous Suzie writes in:
I put an ad on Craigslist in an attempt to meet a decent guy. I received a few replies, and one guy was pretty sweet and funny, so I started corresponding with him. He sent me a photo, he was attractive, and I was excited to meet him. I didn’t want there to be too much pressure so I invited a friend, and he said he would invite friends too. We go out in D.C. and...
bigcrush:
“Boxcar,” Jawbreaker
Previously
"After things had died down and most of the people...
Anonymous reader “Jane” writes in:
So back in high school I went to party with two sisters that were friends of mine. We went to some house in the next school district over where they used to go to school. I was maybe 16 but wasn’t too big into drinking. I stayed reasonably sober for the night while I mingled and chatted it up with all these new people I was meeting. I became...
Naked in the Bushes
I was seeing this guy off and on for a summer, he was the same loser who had hooked up with my best friend at work. Also the one that helped me inadvertently seal the coffin on my 4 year relationship through me leaving up an email to my best friend on my computer about his giant uncircumcised member and my then-boyfriend finding it…
Anyway, we weren’t really dating but I would drive...
"these friends decided to have their birthday...
Anonymous reader “Stomach Sick” writes in:
When I stop to think about it, I have no choice but to realize that all my makeouts have fallen under the disgusting category. But alas, I will start with the first.
When I turned 18 in mid-April of last year, the weather was horrible. Instead of going to a club with my of-age friends, I slept over at my underage friend’s house and watched...
"Sure, he was unattractive and racist with a tiny...
“Shannon” writes in:
My freshman year of college, I still hadn’t figured out what it meant to have standards. And so I went with two of my girl friends to the frat house where their boyfriends lived. The hallways smelled like a vet office and there were random holes in the wall, approximately fist sized. I could still handle my hard liquor, so I downed a lot of straight vodka in...
"i'm sitting next to the ring leader, and my...
“Kelly” writes in:
i’ve had so many disgusting make outs, horrifying hook ups, or excruciating evenings of adventures gone wrong. i blame liquor and naivety of being young when most of these have happened. but even recently in my old age, i’ve found that it has not deterred me from riding the inevitable bad decision train. one night, i went into the nearby city to meet up...
"he also had major daddy issues and kept talking...
Anonymous reader “Nicole” writes in:
during fall i tend to go crazy so i had been isolating myself. my best friend called me and wanted to go out. i agreed and we ended up at this loft party where there were people dancing on stage and a dj and hundreds of hipsters. nothing new, but i hadn’t been around it for a while. every time i get in large crowds i want to do terrible...
Barely Legal Breakfast
here is an update from one of our loyal readers on some recent make out action: Worst: B.O NEIGHBOUR: urgh.He lives opposite me on the same street. I bootie texted him last week and during the first encounter i thought it might be a once off odour. I guess i found out that it wasnt during the second bout of mediocre action.He keeps appearing at my door unexpectedly looking for sex and im really...
"i was shocked, almost into sobriety, that he'd...
Anonymous tipster “Molly” writes in:
last valentines day, i finished up work and head down the block to meet up with three of my single guy friends. one (A) i’d been trying to sleep with for like a year with no success, even though he was way beneath me and also a virgin. when i got there, they were talking to a guy i didn’t recognize, and i started drinking fast to catch...
February 2009
20 posts
Has something like this ever happened to you?
Then let us know about it!!!
disgustingmakeouts@gmail.com
I had a crush on this guy in my Shakespeare class. We had flirted on the phone but one night he invited me to come have a beer with him and his friend. He was about to leave on a fishing boat for Alaska, but we were going to have one last night out. He told me he had a surprise for me. I got to the bar and he had shaved his hair into a mohawk; I was awestruck, because his music taste ran to...
A friend of mine and me went down to Mexico awhile back for fun and
drinks. We’d been there before and always had a good time. We hooked up with these guys for fun and I ended up with this dude that looked like that fat comic book store guy from The Simpsons. My friend got to make out with some other dude. We were all in the car fooling around, I was in the backseat with Comic Book Store...
I went to a 6 hour organ concert and in the fourth hour the dude sitting next to me passed me his phone and had written a text message saying, do you wanna go get a beer? So we go and get a beer and he reveals that A) he doesn’t speak English so well, B) he just got out of an 8 year relationship (oh fuck, oh jeez), and C) he finds me attractive (and D, he’s an accountant). Four beers...
Monday was President’s Day, which—as a freelancer—I was completely oblivious to until my friend told me she was going to 2 pm breakfast with our other friend. I said, “come pick me up” and we went to this overpriced biscuit yuppie hole where one of the waiters was a former disgusting makeout (the one with 7 dogs) and the girl in the next booth used to fuck the...
v day terror
I went on a date with this dude that I hadn’t seen since I was 17. Now, back then I had been having emails with him for a little while and then when we finally met it was at this Halloween party where I discovered that he was A) quite obese and B) extremely effeminate and C) dressed like a pirate. This experience horrified me fully and we did not speak again until recently when we became...
...the bucket seats and plastic cup holder in the...
An anonymous reader named “Shannon” writes in:
After an entire semester of eye fucking each other in class, I finally started having heavy make out sessions in my dorm room with the hot virgin from my speech class. In a very trashy sort of way, we established that we both thought taking his virginity would be a good way to relieve the stress of finals week. My roommate was really ...
When I was 10, my sister’s best friend Ashley lived down the street from us and she had just turned 13. She came over for a slumber party one time and she was the only girl wearing a thong. One time she came over and told us how she had gone to Pizza Hut with her dad and this guy (our other neighbor, this 18 year old high school dropout named Mike) and Mike had fingered her under the table...
i had eaten mexican food twice that day
Her: i took this dude home and couldn't even fuck around with him
because i was like fucking shitting my pants
i'm such a loser
Me: who did you alsmost make out with? just out of ciuriosity
Her: it was this guy that was friends with this guy i kind of know
i'd met him a few times
he was such a raging dork
he wore these really light colored jeans with TONS of pockets
and i think he was wearing sketchers but i'm not sure
he was kind of sexy though and had this long tall body like anthony perkins so i was like "bring it on"
he wasn't as cute as i thought when i brought him back
but then i was like "fuck it, i haven't done this in a while"
Me: right
Her: but then the diarrhea kicked in so bad
Me: oh god
Her: i had eaten mexican food twice that day
Me: HAHAH
Her: and had a milkshake
and had like a bunch of drinks
i finally had to tell him that nothing was going down and that i was gonna change into sweatpants and sleep it off
Me: hahahahaha
Her: "and also, don't sleep in my bed with me"
Me: hahahaha
awesome
oh wow
you rule
Her: god, only i would get the opportunity for that and get the raging shits
when he finally left (at 8 am) i ran to the toilet and shit for like an hour
Gay Bar Chicken Tamale
This summer I was staying in San Francisco and I was hard up for some man action. A band on myspace was looking for volunteers to sell merch at a music festival, so I volunteered thinking it might be a good way to get fresh meat. The show was at the Eagle Tavern, this amazing gay biker bar with a fire pit. I got there super early to meet the guy who was setting up the show. He looked like Steve...
it was mediocre at best, but it was the afterwards...
An anonymous contribution from “Kelly”
i deal a lot with volunteers at my job. it’s a good thing for the organization that i worked for. however, some volunteers get frisky. one day, i had a volunteer really eager to come in and do work, which is great because usually i have to drag people in by their hair and duct tape them to a chair. so we’re talking, and i said,...
from "this isn't me"---old man confessional
I’ve been stringing along this older man, he’s like, middle-aged or something and he seems interested in me because he got drunk and stuck his tongue in my throat one time but I’m not as into him because I’m fucking this other guy meanwhile the man I really love doesn’t even know I exist except for like last night when we were having dinner at our friends house...
“A hand job is a man’s job. A blow job is YOUR job.”
– natashavc