Disgusting People I Have Made Out With

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This occured when I was with still my ex, an insecure, verbally and physically abusive man-child who I eventually and to intense relief escaped from when he randomly went to live in a far away Asian country after two years

From anonymous reader [redacted]:

I am __ years old and from ______, have been to two different universities, lived in many different backwater places already, and have had so many drunken, drugged up and otherwise regrettable and shambolic experiences that I had could write the encyclopaedia of disgusting makeouts. However here are just a few of my golden moments that I will treasure for a lifetime:

This occured when I was with still my ex, an insecure, verbally and physically abusive man-child who I eventually and to intense relief escaped from when he randomly went to live in a far away Asian country after two years. We went out clubbing all the time in a city I won’t name, to pretty much the same drug dens popping pills an hanging out with shady characters. It was a complete blast I must admit, although it was an utterly insane two years and I was off my face 99% of my waking life, I don’t regret it after all you only young once? Anyway this one time we were hanging out in a club and I met this black lesbian, skinny and obviously also wrecked on drugs, and kind of androgynous in a way that I find vaguely appealing as a straight girl, with short hair and wearing a tracksuit or something to that effect. Before I knew it we were in the toilets making out and fingering each other, I was way too fucked and she was using way too much tongue but I was extremely turned on by her and thought well, if this is the way it’s going I might as well give her the best ride I can. So then before I knew it I was on my knees in the toilet with my face in her crotch. Her hair was all wirey and thick and I felt unsure I could breathe as she was also pressing my face into her extremely moist regions with her hand. Anyway it took her all of two minutes to cum grinding me around, thrusting in my face, and when she was done I stood up. Expecting her to return the favour and waiting for my skirt to be taken off, she simply opened the toilet door and left. I actually stood there for at least thirty seconds wondering what just happened. Afterwards, back up in the club, I told my boyfriend and he nonchalantly said he didn’t care (he was an arsehole) but ten minutes later I realise the lesbian has sat down next to me. She is staring at me with huge eyes like a lost puppydog. She puts her arms around me as if that one orgasm has made her indebted to me for life and she won’t stop trying to tell me to ditch my boyfriend. This goes on all night, when I do my best to shake her in a firm but polite way by saying ‘I’m sorry it was just a bit of fun ok?’ she starts crying. The slightly butch exterior of earlier on has peeled away to reveal clingy, weepy, annoying, depressing us to the point that we left the club and went home, the party had officially been killed. It was daylight outside. The girl stalked us the entire way through the streets always staying about ten feet behind us until my boyfriend starts yelling at me that I’m an idiot and he’s never taking me anywhere etc. We eventually found a taxi, thank god, all I wanted was sleep and for my boyfriend to stfu and to forget the events of the night. The girl appeared, out of nowhere, and CLIMBED IN THE TAXI WITH US, crying and trying to kiss me. In the cold light of day she looked seriously creepy and unattractive, like some kind of crack child, way too skinny, and really hairy, I realised she wasn’t black but some kind of cross-breed that had all the worst traits from either hideous parent, and I actually screamed. It took us almost an hour to be rid of this girl and I felt so fucking guilty and still do to this day that I always wonder if she was actually a really nice person and I traumatised her for life. Remember kids, drugs are bad.

My first kiss was in the back of a cinema with a really nerdy guy who was into dungeons and dragons and cradle of filth. We went for burgers first and when we in the cinema he decided to start kissing me very awkwardly,and burped. Inside my mouth. It tasted like cheese.

I was once selling drugs in a pub and met three guys who wanted to buy coke off me. I went to their house and we did so much drugs I couldn’t feel the lower half of my body, we all lay around on a sofa together and mutually masturbated. It was in their garden. A massive spider crawled on me at one point and it stayed crawling on me as I continued the orgy.

When I was still with aforementioned horrible ex, I went out clubbing on my own with the sole intention of meeting and fucking a guy who wasn’t my bf, in the hope that I could get a decent lay. I swanned around having a good time and eventually caught the eye of an attractive, slightly older man who sat me down and preceeded to talk to me with such charm, intelligence and wit that I felt dull in comparison and simply sat and blushed and laughed delightedly at him. He wasn’t your average kind of bloke that pulls girls in a club, he wasn’t out for that reason, and I felt a little ashamed that I was. Anyway he was handsome with it. After a while he ditched his friends in the nicest way possible and we took leave of the club. He asked me back to his place, I said yes, pleased that he wasn’t gay or a unac, and we went in his car. He made out with me briefly but it was a horny enough makeout that I realised he was supressing his horny interior but that didn’t make him any less of a gentleman, I was thoroughly impressed with my catch. He wasn’t any less good looking once we got outside either. At his house we listened to obscure music and drank wine, he told me about his brother having gone to America, talked about his friends and family in a way that was so warm and interesting that it made me even more attracted to him, and it turned out he was ten years older than me but that was still pretty young. He was clearly way more sophisticated than me and he said I was adorable as I danced around in front of a giant mirror to his jazz music, not touching me and being a gentleman still. After a while we really got into the music, started drawing to the music in a big sketchbook after he showed me his art. I love that sort of thing and I got really into it. He had some bongo drums and I picked one up and started playing it to the rhythm of the music, getting very intensely into the rhythm, and almost not even remembering he was there, but simply loving the moment. It was amazing. Afer a few minutes I realised he had crawled over to me, I had opened my eyes and he was hitting the same drum, and started kissing me. I kept on drumming as he kissed me, until eventually it grew hotter and heavier and the drum was put down. On his sofa we got extremely horny and he went down on me, still with the music playing. I don’t know what it was but it was great music to have sexytime to. After a while he asked me to come to the bedroom and we kissed all the way there. It was at this point, when we were entirely naked (he had a NICE freakin body, very nice) and doing all kinds of things (his foreplay technique was flawless) that we finally got around to fucking. There was a technical failure on his part, due to the amount of drugs and alcohol we had both consumed. He was really apologetic and although I was frustrated and badly wanted to fuck him, I was nice about it and he got slightly morose at this point so I stroked his hair and comforted him about it (I KNOW it sounds weird but it was ok at the time) and we talked very intimately for hours instead. What a night. The next day we were too tired and hungover to fuck but we made out sleepily and masturbated each other, and I sucked him off and swallowed it. I saw, sober, that he was in fact very good looking still, with a slight beard, longish hair, quite bohemian looking, just my type. After I had told him about my arsehole boyfriend he told me, understandably, that he was probably too old for me, but in a sensitive way. He expressed the fact that he wanted to start settling down at his age and would rather wait for ‘miss right’ as he put it. I was not offended, just pleased my night turned out to be so enjoyable. We texted each other about a couple of times afterwards but nothing more than that, just a polite how’s things, not expecting anything more to come of it. Anyway it was about a month later and my on-off boyfriend who I still couldn’t shake, found out about my adventure. In my text messages on my phone. I was actually lying in bed with him when my phone rang one night. It was the guy. I saw the number come up on the phone, my boyfriend stared at me and in that moment I knew he had been looking through my texts and knew. I picked up the phone hoping this wasn’t going to be too awkward and weird. The guy (who’s name I don’t remember) sounded very distressed and somewhat apologetic and quite sweet, but what he was saying baffled me. ‘I got your text, I’m so sorry, I don’t know what to say I’m just really sorry. Are you absolutely sure it’s gonnorhea?’
WTF!! It turned out my boyfriend had texted the guy and informed him that I had gonnorhea, out of vengeance for my escapades. But the reason the guy was so apologetic, he confessed to me, was that HE ACTUALLY HAD HAD GONNORHEA. HE WAS APOLOGISING FOR GIVING IT TO ME. HE HAD FAILED TO TELL ME THIS FACT.
(I got tested and I am by some miracle, clean, but that was the end of my being a slut.)


GOD it felt good to confess that.
I now have a wonderful, loving boyfriend who I would never cheat on in my wildest dreams, and if he ever knew half of the crazy shit I have done.. well, he kinda does as I’m a very honest person and he’s still with me so that’s got to be a good sign.