from “this isn’t me”—-old man confessional
I’ve been stringing along this older man, he’s like, middle-aged or something and he seems interested in me because he got drunk and stuck his tongue in my throat one time but I’m not as into him because I’m fucking this other guy meanwhile the man I really love doesn’t even know I exist except for like last night when we were having dinner at our friends house and he said “pass the pepper” and our fingers touched when I passed it to him.
anyway, i went on a date with the older man and we didn’t even get that wasted just a little wine and i totally took off my panties for him. the thing is, i don’t like him. I mean, he’s a nice guy but I just have my heart strung up on so many other dudes. i don’t have any feelings for him. i want to fuck him, but he seems like a bind. he’s always holding my hands and massaging me and shit. i don’t want to date anyone who actually might care.
after a night filled with earnest kissing and hand-holding, i accompanied the older man to his apartment. we took off enough clothes to be comfortable in bed, but then he kept touching me and the more he touched, the more clothes i wanted to take off. he was naked too, and incredibly hairy. his chest hair was really wiry, like so wiry that it made my pubes feel like velvet by comparison. he had no discernible smell, my friend says that is what happens to old dudes. I missed the feral stench of man, but i was still willing to explore the situation. we kept making out naked and i was REALLY horny and i kept making him touch my pussy by saying things like, “touch my pussy, it’s so wet!” so that he slid his fingers in and out of it while i sucked on and bit his other hand and ground my ass into him.
anyway, i was all set for Casual Fuck to happen (or maybe it would have been “earnest fuck” but on my half it was totes casual), but i don’t really like him so i didn’t want him to go down on me and i really really didn’t want to go down on him (no smell!) and i just wanted him to fuck me and get it over with so i could try to have an orgasm and then run home and eat candy. I was like, “do you have a condom?” and he was like, (and this is the worst): “no, i don’t.”
I was like, WTF. I didn’t have a condom either because I’ve only been giving blowjobs and fucking girls lately. The fuck train derailed, we kept fooling around a bit and in a moment of crisis he totally put it in me for a minute even though A) I told him not to, B) i have herpes, thanks, C) it felt really really good though, D) how dare he? I was like, “get it out of me” and the makeout subsided into sleep but he was too clingy and i couldnt sleep because i didn’t want to cuddle.
we ended up waking up at 5 am and having awkward coffee then he walked me home where i took a major shit and masturbated while thinking about the guy i actually wanted to fuck.