Disgusting People I Have Made Out With

I went to a 6 hour organ concert and in the fourth hour the dude sitting next to me passed me his phone and had written a text message saying, do you wanna go get a beer? So we go and get a beer and he reveals that A) he doesn’t speak English so well, B) he just got out of an 8 year relationship (oh fuck, oh jeez), and C) he finds me attractive (and D, he’s an accountant). Four beers each and many cigarettes later we are in his apartment which is all black, red and white and he plays me the entire Mississippi records catalog while sort of flirting but we couldn’t get any of each other’s jokes because of the language barrier. His sheets were really white in his bed and I hadn’t shaved my legs for a month because I had kept meaning to wax. His dick was short and fat, a semi-tragedy since I was just coming down from dating the side show freak who was hung like a stallion. I didn’t really want to have sex with Mr. 8 Years but sometimes when you don’t know what to do, you just let other people make your decisions for you. In the morning I had to take a shit really bad AND blow my nose, but he lived in one of those apartments that is a chamber of echoes and I knew I had to hold all my fluids and solids in until I could get back to my own bathroom, a complicated affair since he wanted to make me toast and fancy coffee and snuggle, so I told him I had to  go to work and then the next time I tried to holler at him a couple of months later he had already gotten back together with his ex-girlfriend.  I am the only person he ever fucked besides her.